House of Housley

How to Handle Gender Disappointment

Why We Had High Hopes

So here I am, 20 weeks pregnant. I’m reminiscing about my first pregnancy. I was young. They didn’t have the tests 7 years ago that they have today to find out the gender sooner.I never experienced gender disappointment because I had no expectations. Still, I did have hopes that it was a boy. Low and behold, my 100% denial worked! We had a boy. 

Fast forward 7-ish years later. I am pregnant with high hopes of having a boy. If I did, I could use some clothes again, I already know what it’s like, my son would more likely connect with a boy despite the large age difference. I just couldn’t imagine parenting a girl. I feel like I was supposed to raise boys. 

We didn’t know the gender yet despite having the non-invasive prenatal testing done around 12 weeks because I had the one doctor who doesn’t reveal the gender with that testing unless you are over the age of 35. So while all my friends are finding out at 12 weeks, I have 8 more weeks till I found out! We had 8 weeks longer to hope for a gender. 8 week longer to think of a nursery theme and a name. And 8 weeks longer to hope for a specific gender.

The Truth About Gender Disappointment

And then we found out…we were having a girl. My heart was broken. I legitimately cried for 3 hours after. I will explain why I was crying in the next section. But for now, before people get judgy, let’s admit a few things: 

  1. Most families have an expectation of what gender they want. 

This is completely normal behavior and doesn’t make anyone a bad person. How many dads can you think of that hoped for a boy, just to end up having a girl? Men actual experience greater gender disappointment (in my opinion), and they are not excluded from benefiting from this post. I encourage each partner to read and/or go through this healing process together.

  1. I completely understand that there are families who would be over the moon with either.

Some pregnancy journey’s are so long and difficult that by the time that couple finally becomes pregnant, they literally are so relieved to have a successful pregnancy that gender doesn’t matter. 

I am very thankful and blessed that I did not have any trouble conceiving the first time (hello surprise 21 year old pregnancy) and tried for 5 months with our second. This means I wasn’t used to any other disappointments in my pregnancies. I’ll explain why this matter below.  

  1. It is 100% normal to be disappointed about the gender of your baby not being what you hoped. 

There is nothing psychologically wrong with you. You are not a bad person. You are not going to be a bad parent just because you wanted a particular gender. And you will love this baby despite the gender. 

Why I was Initially Upset

Yes you read right. I cried for about 3 hours after I found out. Yes I was initially upset. But then I got more upset about my disappointment. I thought I was a terrible person for being upset about the gender reveal. All I could think was that there are probably thousands of families who had been trying for years and gone through hell on earth to even get pregnant. And here I am; crying because the gender wasn’t what I had hoped.

My hormones overtook my whole body as my grandmother badgered me about being disappointed. This made me more upset and feeling terrible about my feelings. Then my son was sad because I was sad, so he thought he was supposed to be upset about the gender (those feelings have changed now). And then my poor husband looking at me like he can’t do anything to make me feel better made me feel even worse. 

woman hiding face behind her hands
I literally just wanted to hide from everyone. I was so embarrassed by how I felt.

How I Supported Myself

So here are the actual steps I took to handle my gender disappointment. 

  1. I admitted all of the truths about gender disappointment stated in the previous section.

Like I mentioned before. Those feelings are all true and normal. You are not mentally unbalanced, selfish, or wrong for thinking anything mentioned in “The Truth About Gender Disappointment” section. 

Some women are lucky enough to have not had many struggles in their health or pregnancy journey. But that doesn’t mean that their feelings aren’t validated. They simply haven’t gone through the same struggles; and that’s ok! Do not undermine or put other women down for how they feel about this. It is only going to make the situation worse to hide how you really feel about the situation. 

Because I was honest and really processed this, I was able to come to terms within a couple of days. It may take you longer; but being honest with yourself is the first step.

  1. I thought about the real reasons I was hoping for a boy. 

Was it really the clothes? My son is 7. There is no way the baby could wear any clothes for years. We haven’t kept any except for 4-5T and up. Was it the sibling connection? My sister and I do not talk and we were the same gender and 2 years apart. Same gender and close age does not mean a close relationship. 

Was it because my first was a boy? Would I feel different if my first had been a girl? My next door neighbor is pregnant at the same time as I am (literally due the day before me). She is having a girl. Knowing she was having a girl made me feel better (and worse). She is very stylish and already has about 10 headbands with bows. She is a previous fitness instructor. Needless to say intimidating. However, I know if I need anything that I could ask her.

Was it the gender stereotype of girls nowadays? I don’t do (and never did as a child) the whole girly-girl, dolls, dress up with bows, Barbies, My Little Pony, etc. While I love femininity and yes, my favorite color is blush pink. But I also have always loved video games since our first N64 in elementary school. Playing first person shooters, collecting Pokemon cards, and later learning to hunt with a compound bow. I drink whisky (when I’m not pregnant) and truly hate wine. I work in the construction industry when I am not blogging. 

  1. Clear the idea of gender stereotypes

The above thought process led me to this realization. I never gave my son cars and boy stuff. I gave him learning and building toys growing up. Why can’t I do the same for this little girl? Who said I have to put a million coordinating headbands on her head? Where is the rule that you have to french braid hair and make her fancy everyday in order to a girl mom (I don’t even know how to french braid)?

Why did I assume all of these gender expectations when I am a huge woman’s rights activist? Everything I thought against I subconsciously still assumed in my head when I found out the gender. 

My son loves art. And until a couple of months ago, his favorite colors were pink and blue. He is very emotional. Very clingy and cuddly. He loves his stuffies and even learned to sew a pillow that we made together. He loves crafts like latch hook and doing melty beads. He loves LEGO and building with his hands. He wants to be a mechanical engineer and loves coding. Why on earth did I think that this baby girl couldn’t grow up similar? 

I can’t say it enough. Get rid of gender stereotypes. 

white, navy blue, and blush pink paper flowers with gold leaf trim from etsy.
This was our nursery inspiration. You can find it here!
  1. Start thinking of names and a nursery theme.

If you read my other post, The Ultimate Trimester Checklist, then you already thought of this. However; you may also be like me and chose a name and theme for only the gender you want (this is why I mention in my checklist to think about both genders).

Again, if you only thought about the gender you wanted, now is the time to research some names and themes. I recommend doing this after you have had the initial time to process and soothe your nerves. This will help your emotion climb back upward in a positive direction.

Obviously, I need a new theme and new name. For some reason, the vintage navy blue airplane theme just didn’t seem right to me anymore. I wanted to save that for if we did have another baby (that was a boy).

We are still deciding on names (almost final on Lilly Xandra May Housley); but the more I saw different names, the more my nerves calmed down. I wasn’t dreading having a girl and I was more at peace by finding names I liked. 

We also decided on a nursery color scheme of navy blue (to match the rest of our home) and blush pink. My son was so excited to hear that because he hoped those would be her favorite colors, just like him. I also liked it because it’s a theme that should be able to last over the years. It’s not a character, animal, or something else that could be a momentary trend. You can see our inspiration in the photo above.

  1. Think about the day you deliver your baby.

I remember everything from the day of delivery with my first. EVERYTHING. The pain, the lack of sleep, even the terrible hospital food. I can honestly say with 100% certainty that I never thought about the fact that I had a boy (until they came for the circumcision). Back then, I wasn’t focused so much on his gender, but more about how to properly take care of him after his circumcision. 

Your body, full of hormones, emotions, and probably exhaustion will not be thinking about the gender of the baby in your arms. There will be plenty of love inducing hormones soaring through your body to build that special one-of-a-kind motherly bond. You will be trying to breastfeed (or formula feed) your baby to make sure they are taken care of. Everyone will be so tired from the delivery of that baby. Even if you have a C-section, you are going to be feeling the same hormones and love for your baby. 

Be 100% confident that on that day in the hospital, gender is going to be the last thing that matters. 

man looking off while upset.
It is very common for both partners to feel gender disappointment.

We Are All In This Together

So there you have it! I know there are many parents out there who feel the same. I have spoken to many dads who had girls for their first child too. They still tell me they wouldn’t have changed it for the world. Definitely share this with your partner if they are the ones who need support, and be there for them as much as you can. 

What are some other ways that some of you have coped with gender disappointment?

pinterest image for post of how to handle gender disappointment of box spilled out of pink and blue bows and balloons for gender reveal
pinterest image for post of how to handle gender disappointment of man and woman in bed looking upset.
pinterest image for post of how to handle gender disappointment with cupcakes for a gender reveal and pink and blue pacifiers
 

20 Practical Stocking Stuffers for the Whole Family

And the stockings were hung by the chimney with care…

As much as a Christmas tree is dubbed the crown jewel of Christmas decor, it simply doesn’t feel like Christmas without stockings either (in my opinion). In our house, even our two dogs have stockings. This year, we get to buy another stocking (if we want one during my pregnancy) for our baby girl. This makes a total seven stockings in our house! That can be tough to find practical stocking stuffers for that many humans and animals.

There are a variety of affiliate links in this post. Some are simple referral links that people like you have access to if they are a member of a service. Some are for being an Amazon Associate. And as an Associate I earn from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. However, I ONLY recommend products that I have used myself or that is as similar as possible to help make life easier for you.

I know, some of you families have even more! How do you do it? We all know what gets really old really quick? Candy…and for that matter, candy canes. BLEH! Now if they are tradition in your house, by all means continue! However, it gets really old to have an entire stocking full of candy canes or other candy year after year that take months to consume. 

This year, why not include non-candy treats! Not only is it a healthier alternative, but depending on what you put inside, it can feel just as special as getting Christmas presents! So here we go…

The List of Practical Stocking Stuffers

  1. Gift cards

This is a great place to put gift cards. From hair salon services to Home Depot. They will always fit nicely in here without having to purchase additional card envelopes or boxes. Many places are switching to E-gift cards. This will make sure you are still able to display your gift and that it isn’t forgotten about.

scratching off lotto ticket with penny received as stocking stuffer.
Who doesn’t like a chance to win money?
  1. Lottery tickets

How exciting is it to scratch off those small prize lotto tickets! They typically only cost anywhere from $1-$10 depending on how big of a prize you are wanting to win. BONUS: Maybe your kid will feel guilty since you purchased them. And if they win and maybe share some of the split (good luck with this if you have a teenager). 

  1. Winter Accessories

Great for anyone on the list. Maybe it’s time to replace some winter time hats, gloves, and scarves! Choose one or all stuff them into the stocking. This is especially good if you live somewhere where the weather is more harsh during this time of year.

  1. Crayons and colored pencils

If you have a little artist, they may run out of coloring materials frequently. A little pack of 10-20 crayons  or a 10 pack of colored pencils is perfect to replenish their stash. 

  1. Theme park tickets

Give them something to look forward to during the summer! I recommend keeping an electronic copy in your email or printing another copy to keep somewhere safe. Putting the tickets in the stocking is a great way to announce the fun that’s to come!

  1. Zoo tickets

Very similar to above, this is a great way to announce a trip to the zoo. You can make this a little more fun by getting a miniature stuffed version of their favorite animal that can “hold” the tickets. If you have little one’s, this doubles as a new stuffy for their bed.

  1. Snacks

No one said food was a complete no-no for stocking stuffers! Get some beef jerky, granola bars, gummies, and more! There are plenty of healthy alternatives to stash in your stocking. 

  1. Subscription Service

This is a great way to reveal a subscription service that your kids wanted to try. Or if you signed up for a subscription that may be coming in the mail at a later time. For kids, we absolutely LOVE Kiwi Crates. They have different crates from infancy to 16 years old! From art and geography based boxes, to STEM and engineering boxes. There is something for everyone. My son is completely obsessed! For adults, there are unlimited subscription services options as you know. 

bride and groom on wedding day.
Remember all those feelings from your wedding day? Bring them back with date night!

However, a gift you and your partner can enjoy is Happily! There are many reasons that can make having a date night hard (quarantine anyone?). We discovered Happily during the 2020 pandemic (oh good times…). It was a great solution to not being able to do our fun outings anymore. We have done at-home “escape rooms”, made homemade ice cream and macaroons, learned to dance salsa, asked thought provoking questions, listened to custom designed playlists, and more! It is a great gift to rekindle your spark and we have yet to be disappointed. 

  1. Make-up and Brushes

This is definitely for the older children on your list. Some make-up products or brush sets are the perfect size to fit in a stocking. Just make sure you get a brand that your child will actually use so it doesn’t go to waste.

  1. Party favors

This is probably my least practical stocking stuffer on the list. But if you are really struggling for ideas, take a stroll down the party aisle at Wal-Mart or Target. You’ll see things like glow sticks, whistles, play-dough and more. These are normally for goody bags for birthday parties, but who says you can’t use them as stocking stuffers!?

  1. Custom engraved tools

This one is for dad, or even the handy teenager. Many different sellers on Etsy will engrave hammers and other tools with custom messages. It makes getting that average tool a little more special.

  1. Toothbrushes

They really should be replaced more throughout the year. But this can be the one of those times of the year that you replace them. If you have electric ones, then there is even more space because you can just put new brush heads in the stocking that last for the rest of the year! What’s a more practical stocking stuffer than that?

My husband and I love our BURST toothbrushes. First off, the replacement heads are only $6 each (so much cheaper than a Sonicare or similar), and they automatically send them out when it’s time to replace the head. It gives me one less things to worry about.

young child wearing fuzzy socks near the fireplace they received as stocking stuffer.
Who doesn’t love having warm feet during the winter?
  1. Cozy socks

Everyone likes fuzzy socks to wear around the house. If you’re like me, then you probably lost your favorite pair between last Christmas and this Christmas. Or they may even be too small if your kids are growing constantly! Treat them to some new fuzzy sucks in their favorite pattern or color. There are even some with aloe if you are really prone to dry feet.

  1. Handwritten notes

Maybe they had extra good behavior, they did really well in school this year, or they knocked their sports season out of the park! A sweet note that lets your family know why you love them and why you are proud of them is the gift that keeps on giving. Children will never NOT appreciate feeling loved. Plus, each note to the person, which means so much more than buying generic gifts for the family.

  1. Sunglasses

Got a family that likes to hit the outdoors? Sunglasses make a great stocking stuffer! This is especially great if anyone in the family has lost, broken, or simply has old and worn sunglasses. 

  1. Hot cocoa bombs

What a better way to celebrate opening and playing with every single gift in one day than with a glass of hot cocoa! Hot cocoa bombs are a new, fun and totally practical stocking stuffer that you can enjoy this season. And it will most likely get used that day!

  1. Water Bottles

This is much better for children who have smaller water bottles. We love our Hydroflask Water Bottle that was given to my son 3 years ago in his Christmas stocking! It’s extremely durable, has a straw for easy drinking, and keeps water cold for hours. It is the only bottle my son hasn’t lost or broken. Adults can get skinnier versions that can fit in their stocking here. 

  1. Hair products

Gel, brushes, combs, beard oil, hair ties…Seriously the options are endless here. You can go ask inexpensive or pricey as you want! I gave my husband this Squatch Brand bundle. It is not only great smelling and organic, but this bundle came with 3 bars of soap, shampoo, and conditioner! They even have bundles specifically for beards or for their whole body. Use the link to get a free bar of soap!

For babies and mommas, I love Earth Mama Organics. Cloth diaper friendly, gentle, organic, and safe for you and baby! From delicious teas, to baby product samplers, there are a wide variety of products that are sure to make you and baby happy.

  1. Hand Sanitizer

The afterlife of the pandemic means that hand sanitizer will be on everyone’s mind for years to come. Make this gift more fun with colorful silicone sanitizer bottle covers. These covers come with plastic bottles to refill and a collapsible funnel for easy storage!  

Earth Mama Gifts
  1. Baby Necessities

I saved this one for last because it is so broad. Babies have no clue what they are getting in a stocking. Let alone what this holiday even is. Likewise, I totally understand not wanting your little one to be left out. This makes things super easy to fill their stocking! From bibs, baby food, onesies, diapers, literally just anything baby related. You need it, put it in the stocking. It makes them a part of the experience and it’s extremely practical. Again, we are huge fans of Earth Mama Organics. You can’t beat the quality and price!

A Last Minute Thought

 I hope this a great start to get you going! This list is designed to be more useful and meaningful. Not just more junk to fill a stocking. What are some practical stocking stuffers that you fill in your stockings??

8 Tips for Getting Your Child to Listen

Does my child even listen?

Sometimes, I ask myself if my son has a hearing problem. I swear, with the amount of time I spend repeating myself makes me want to bang my head against a wall. We say these things every day, “Don’t put your shoes there” “Take your backpack upstairs” “Don’t lay on the dogs” (doesn’t our house sound fun). Unfortunately, it is completely normal for children to “not listen”. 

We need to remind ourselves that children do not have the same mental capacity that adults do.

Because of this, children are more likely to be focusing on other actions. More commonly, they forget what we have said in big or small gaps of time. This is an action issue and not a listening issue. Those are two completely different things. As a parent, it is our responsibility to help them through this stage of their life so that they can focus more clearly, remember things better, and (most importantly) listen better. When they begin to listen better then they will perform better.

So what helps children listen better?

  1. Make sure you have their focus

Firstly, yelling at them from downstairs or giving a list of things to do while they are working on other things is not going to get you anywhere. Get their full attention. This means turning off the TV, having them pause from playing with their toys, quit walking, and stop whatever you both are doing. 

This means you need to stop what you are doing as well. Remember, children mirror us. If we don’t give them the same focus and attention that we are asking for, they will not give us the same attention in return.

  1. Get down at eye level

If you read any of blogs about parenting, you know I am a huge believer in getting down to eye level. You need to make sure you have eye contact as best as possible, and that means being equal. Don’t expect 100% perfection on this or you will just make yourself more frustrated. Getting at eye level makes sure that they do not feel intimidated or commanded. 

Your request is more likely to be heard while your child is in a safe mental state. As parents, we don’t realize the subconscious effect that some actions, like standing over your child (it’s natural, we are bigger) can have on your child.

child covering ears from parents yelling at her
Always remain calm!
  1. Talk to them with a calm tone.

This sounds obvious. However many moms (including myself) become annoyed very easily. Interrupting questions, losing eye contact, etc. It all starts to get under my skin. But if I lose my calm voice and become angry or annoyed, they will instead begin listening to the angry voice. This means they aren’t going to remember anything you said while you were actually calm. Making half the conversation completely void. 

  1. Keep it short

Do not go into a laundry list of to-do’s. Keep it short and sweet. “Dominic, I need you to please pick up your room so there is nothing on the floor.” End of request. Don’t list everything on the floor or give them more things to do after he picks up the floor.

As tedious as it is, you need to say the next items later when you have their full attention again. By keeping things simple, your child is more likely to remember what was said and what the main goal of the conversation was. 

  1. Verify understanding

After your request or statement you need to ask them if they understood and repeat back what you said. This makes the request more solid in their mind and less likely to forget. If what was asked didn’t get done, you also have something to come back to for discipline. “Dominic, you told me that you understood what we talked about.” In return, this puts more responsibility on your child (which they are completely capable of) and holds them accountable for their actions.

  1. Ask if they need help

This can be asking if they need help explaining things more clearly or even if they need help with the actual task or item. We may think some items are super simple, but your child may not understand the thought process or how to begin. We have years of experience, children are learning.  

Young boy child sweeping kitchen floor in pajamas.
Listening and action are two separate things.
  1. Hold them accountable

This means double checking whatever you asked. It may seem tiring (like us moms need another thing to do), but it is 100% necessary. The moment your child thinks you aren’t going to hold them accountable, they will slack off to see what they can get away with. It’s all part of their learning process. 

  1. Give your child the same focus

Monkey see monkey do, right? Children learn more quickly by seeing what others do. If you are yelling up the stairs, then your child is going to start yelling down the stairs. If you are cooking or working on your computer while your child talks to you, they will think it’s ok to play and do other things while you talk to them. Work on your listening skills and show them the same attention you want to receive.

Will they actually do what I asked now?

Now that is an entirely separate blog post that I am currently working on! Remember, listening and choosing to follow through with what you said is an entirely different attribute. But it all begins with making sure they listen, and not just hear you (or worse ignore you). They will never do what you ask if they don’t listen.

I hope this helps you focus on improving your child’s listening skills! Do not be surprise if you get pushback. You are changing their routine of how you used to talk to them. Should this lead to a temper tantrum or fit, make sure you check out my post “5 Things to Remember During a Temper Tantrum”. This post will help you make sure the fit doesn’t escalate and get out of control. What are some other things you do to make sure your child is actually listening?

How to Get Pregnant in 8 Steps

As a mom who has had one surprise baby when I was 21, to being 29 now and making a conscious decision with my husband to try for another baby; those are two vastly different ways of becoming pregnant. Of course having a surprise baby means that I didn’t have to plan when I was 21 (maybe I should have, but then I wouldn’t have my amazing son that I have now) and I never realized what I had to do to actually have a baby. 

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I never realized or appreciated the miracle of the timing and act that creating a child was. Despite not planning, my son is the love of my life (tied with my husband of course). I love him so much that we decided it was time for a sibling. I also really wanted to go through this process with my husband. He is not the biological father of our first child, but he has been a part of his life since our son was 2. So he has been there for over half of his life! From decision to conception, everything was planned and different. 

Pinterest cover photo of pregnancy announcement with baby sonogram of announcing pregnancy

The Backstory of our Pregnancy Journey

So in order to know what I did, let me first talk about our general history with trying for a child. In 2019 I decided to get an IUD because we thought the idea of children was much further out of the picture than it actually came to be. I was on the Mirena IUD for around 9 months. I also did not like the side effects of the IUD (better than the Depo..but still).

In short, it tricks your body into thinking it’s already pregnant so that you don’t get pregnant. Therefore I still had extreme backaches, swollen breasts, and complete exhaustion for 1-2 weeks out of the month. It was constant. Being pregnant now, I think I was more tired then. I had also read horror stories about women not being able to get pregnant for 2+ years or NEVER getting pregnant after the IUD. So for everything, I got it removed. I did a cleanse from the hundreds of blog posts that I read to cleanse the hormones out of my system. I drank different kinds of tea and took herbs, I got my period back after a couple of months and BAM we were in business. 

We had been trying for about 3 cycles when (due to the joys of working a full-time normal job) I lost my job unexpectedly. I also decided to compete competitively for Taekwondo. For those who don’t know, that means cutting or gaining weight (safely of course) to be in your desired weight class, extensive training, and a VERY healthy diet. Because of these things, we thought it would be wise to wait.

After waiting about 6 months (and not getting to compete because of COVID-19), we began trying again. It took 5 cycles to become pregnant. While I know for some beautiful ladies, that is not long and you are cringing at my writing as I say that. We all know everyday that goes by can feel like eternity. I am so blessed we were able to become pregnant, and I always have thoughts and prayers for the women who are still trying or unable. 

Having said that, these are 8 starter steps that you should take if you are at the beginning of your journey to get pregnant. Experienced couples may already know these things and are at stages such as speaking to a fertility doctor, or going through IVF. Always speak to your doctor before starting any new regimens, and to talk to them about your concerns.

The To-Do List for Getting Pregnant

Having said that, we all know it’s not about how many times you have sex in a month, but when you have sex during the month. I also HAVE to say, that I am not a medical professional. I am just an average woman and am telling my story of what worked for me. Always consult with your doctor or a medical professional before taking any new vitamins or starting new regimens. So with that, this is what I did to get pregnant… 

  1. Take a prenatal vitamin

This is recommended before you even decide to become pregnant. I purchased these vitamins because I took the old fashioned “one-a-day” type vitamins with my first pregnancy. You know, the big horse pill ones that smell like the WORST vitamins imaginable. It made me want to hurl every time I took them.

These vitamins not only have everything you need, but they are smaller than regular vitamins and have a special coating that makes them so easy to go down. It also comes in a 3 month supply, so you don’t have to remember to buy them all the time (which helps when that pregnancy brain kicks in). Being 100% organic and non-GMO, these are the perfect vitamins for starting your pregnancy journey.

Because we have been trying for quite a while, I continued to take these as my regular daily vitamin in between conception attempts. Folate/Folic Acid is especially important when trying to get pregnant to aid in the prevention of birth defects and neural tube deficiencies in the fetus.

Pregnant woman taking vitamin with lgass of water
Take your vitamins!
  1. Track your period. 

If you weren’t tracking your period before, you should be now. This information is the most useful for everything else that follows. How many days your period lasts + how many days before your next period = your menstrual cycle. I average 27 days, which is actually 1 day shorter than the average 28 day cycle.

Some women have shorter cycles and some have longer. Using this math, you would typically ovulate on the 14th day of your 28 day cycle. Ovulation is a whole other beast though. We’ll get to that later. 

  1. Track your temperature. 

You don’t just need any thermometer. You need one that tracks to the tenth degree (that’s two spaces after the decimal point). I ordered this basal thermometer because it also came with an app that is highly recommended throughout the fertility community. There is even a Facebook group that you can use to connect with other families!

I met a really great friend through that Facebook group and we are still in contact today. I’m so happy to hear just recently became pregnant as well. Don’t knock it till you try it! This app also allows you to track everything from PMS symptoms down to everything we are going to cover below. It is extremely thorough. 

You need to track your temperature everyday. There are many conversations on this topic that can make it overwhelming. The most important thing is to take it BEFORE you put your feet down on the floor when you wake up. This is when your temperature is at its lowest. If you get up and go to the bathroom, you won’t be able to take it after. I kept it near my pillow so I could take it while I was still laying down.

Your temperature changes throughout your cycle. Typically it is lowest during your period and highest right before your period. Your temperature dips 24-48 hours before you ovulate. Hence, why this is only good for tracking purposes and not entirely accurate for predicting ovulation. If you can track a pattern, then you can guess a little better in the future of when you are likely to ovulate.

This can be extremely sensitive to matters like room temperature, sleeping with more blankets than normal, and sleeping in a new place for example. If you cannot create a routine environment, then this may be good for you. As you will cause more anxiety and stress about your results. 

  1. Learn about your cervical mucus. 

Doesn’t that whole sentence sound disgusting? As terrible as it is, it’s highly recommended. Some women can track from the discharge on their underwear. Some women need to use clean hands to use a finger to feel in your vagina for the type of liquid. It tends to lean in order like this:

  • Beginning of the month is your period (you obviously don’t need to feel for that). 
  • Immediately after is a low fertility phase where you tend to be dry or sticky. 
  • You’ll then be in your fertile phase with a watery consistency. 
  • When you are ovulating, it will be egg white consistency. 
  • Then after ovulation, you will go back to the sticky phase.
  • And back to dry before starting the cycle all over with your period. 

This can be the most confusing part of the list. It definitely was for me. Water intake can effect your cervical mucus production. So make sure you are drinking the right amount of water! 

  1. Use LH strips. 

Yet another thing you can track when trying to get pregnant. LH stands for Luteinizing Hormone which is present immediately before ovulation. This is why it’s a great predictor of when you are ovulating. Personally, this was more accurate for me than taking my temperature. You can buy them in bulk on Amazon for extremely cheap. I personally bought these ones.

You simply dip your strip in urine (not first thing in the morning though) starting a few days after your period ends at roughly the same time everyday. This helps determine when you are about to ovulate. The strips will begin to change color (much like a pregnancy test) when it begins to detect the hormone. You can see in the photo below for example.

You want to see a “peak” reading, or when the line is at its darkest. In theory, you will ovulate 24-48 hours after a peak reading. That’s when it is really time to “get busy”. Through tracking, you will understand your readings better. Not every woman ovulates 24-48 hours hours after a peak reading. It may be more. Through tracking, you will learn more about your ovulation cycle.

Woman holding LH (ovulation) test strips comparing darkness of lines for ovulation tracking.
See how the lines on the left get darker?
  1. Track your ovulation.

There is a reason I put this almost last. Because in reality, all of these steps combined are what help you track when you are possibly ovulating. Once you do everything above, only then will you be able to accurately track your ovulation. No app or calendar knows your body better than you do. And hey, things happen. So things may change slightly every month. You may ovulate later or earlier, you may not get an LH reading, your temp can stay high the whole month because your A/C broke. The only one who knows you are truly ovulating is you.

  1. Use Pre-Seed

Like I said, we were trying for a few cycles before and after my job loss. I feel like I just never got that egg white consistency in my cervical mucus. I knew that because I tracked it. Of course I went to Pinterest and learned so many women were using this miracle liquid. You may not know that it is discouraged to use lube when you are trying to get pregnant. It can interfere with that perfect environment mother nature created to allow sperm to travel through your cervix. But even mother nature needs a little help sometimes.

This lube is one of the few safe lubricants that is specifically designed to help you get pregnant. I used it 2x during my last cycle before I got pregnant after I got my peak LH reading. It was a couple of weeks later I took my test (well 3 tests actually) and got my positive result! I swear that THIS is what helped most of all for me.

  1. Eat a healthy diet

As I mentioned earlier, I was already eating well because of my exercise regimen with Taekwondo. There are countless fertility diets out there that may be worth looking into. I simply was eating well, limiting caffeine (I switched to decaf a couple of years ago), removing artificial sugars, and limiting the amount of take out we had. I think this was enough for me to create a healthy system. Again, speak with your doctor or healthcare provider about changes like these. 

Pregnant woman meal prepping healthy food in kitchen at home.
Eating healthy now can set you up for a good routine in pregnancy!

The Take Away

So there you have it. These were the major things I did to help me conceive. There are many, many things that can contribute to being able or not able to conceive. These are things you may need to add to your regimen or that you are already doing!

Of course, if you ever have any questions, please call your OB/GYN or family doctor and speak with them about your concerns. Many fertility clinics will also provide some free and beneficial information.

I would love for you to comment about what else has worked for other mommas! Of course, once you become pregnant, head over to the Pregnancy tab of my blog and check out the other posts to help you in your pregnancy journey. Starting with “The Ultimate First Trimester Checklist”.

The Ultimate First Trimester Checklist

The Most Important Trimester

Your first trimester seems like the shortest trimester. But it is THE most important trimester in my opinion. Establishing good habits, creating a healthy pregnancy, and making sure you eliminate as many risks as possible to make sure your little one starts off on the best foot possible. No pressure or anything, right?

There are a variety of affiliate links in this post. Some are simple referral links that people like you have access to if they are a member of a service. Some are for being an Amazon Associate. And as an Associate I earn from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. However, I ONLY recommend products that I have used myself or that is as similar as possible to help make life easier for you.

This list is certainly not everything you should do. But hopefully, this gives you a great place to begin with some healthy habits, some thoughts that should lead you to research and ask questions, and of course; things to speak to your doctor about. I am in no way a health professional and you need to talk to your doctor about your unique, personal circumstances and wishes. Many of the “health advice” pieces are common knowledge in the pregnancy world and commonly agreed upon. But you should ask your doctor about YOUR PERSONAL SITUATION.

The Checklist

Month 1

Week 1
  1. Start taking a prenatal vitamin if you weren’t taking one when trying to become pregnant. These vitamins are my favorite! They are easy to swallow, you take only 1 a day, and it’s about a 3 month supply. Plus they are all natural! 
  2. Begin healthy habits like drinking more water and exercising, while taking out bad habits like alcohol and smoking.
Week 2
  1. Cut down your caffeine intake. Speak with your doctor or research about the correct amount, but generally 200 mg is safe for pregnant women. Caffeine has been known to lead to a higher risk of miscarriage, so I typically cut it out for the first trimester, then begin drinking my decaf that I regularly drink. You can switch to decaf for the 2nd trimester and then go to full caffeinated in your last trimester if you choose. 
  2. Begin Pelvic floor exercises. While extremely helpful to help make your delivery easier, these are helpful even when you aren’t pregnant!
Week 3
  1. Focus on your nutrition. While the myth is to “eat for two”, you really should be focusing on nutrients. In the first trimester, you’d be surprised to know it is not recommended to change your calorie intake just yet. 
  2. If you have a cat, it’s a good idea to start having someone else change the litter box for you now. 
Week 4 
  1. Take a pregnancy test to confirm pregnancy. 
  2. Relax so the baby starts growing in a calm environment. 
  3. Call your insurance company to find out details about your maternity benefits. This could determine who you are able to see for an OBGYN or Midwife. You can download this insurance questionnaire complete with 22 questions to ask your insurance company.
  4. Once you know your insurance details, you will want to begin researching doctors and hospitals, or midwives and birthing centers. It may be the same doctor you have always seen, or it may be somewhere new. Go where you feel comfortable! Your OBGYN may not have access to deliver at your hospital of choice, so make sure you consider your future pregnancy and delivery when choosing a doctor and a hospital. 
  5. Tell your partner! There are so many fun ways to tell your partner. Check out my video below to see how I told my husband!

Month 2

Week 5 
  1. Schedule your first appointment with your OB to confirm pregnancy. Download my free Appointment Sheet pdf to help keep track of what happens in your appointments and what to ask at the next one. This is great for tracking both positive and negative trends in your pregnancy.
  2. If you aren’t currently active or don’t have a current exercise program, I recommend downloading the Baby to Body app. This app changes the workouts every week to what is healthy during your stage in pregnancy, as well as giving you daily nuggets about your pregnancy! You can also change your experience level to make sure you aren’t overdoing it. Starting a workout routine now isn’t too late! Exercise can ease many pregnancy symptoms and can help in the long run when it comes time to deliver your baby. 
  3. Figure out your do’s and don’ts of pregnancy. The obvious don’ts of no smoking and drinking alcohol aren’t the only no-no’s. This is the time to learn what habits you should be starting/continuing and which habits you should be stopping. You should discuss this with your doctor to make sure your custom needs are met. 
Week 6
  1. You may think it’s too early, but research childcare options in your area now is extremely important! Many areas have wait lists or requirements for their daycares. You may opt into a nanny instead. Nanny availability can change just as much as daycare centers and the costs are quite different. You will want plenty of time to decide what is comfortable for your family. And if things change, you are prepared for all possible options. 
  2. For some, morning sickness (more like all day sickness) has begun. Start researching some remedies, because there are probably hundreds and what works for others may not work for you. 
  3. Read a book! There are a ton of books relating to pregnancy, but who can go wrong with the classic “What to Expect When You Are Expecting”. This set also includes “What to Expect Your First Year”. A double dose of helpful and just one thing you won’t have to do later. 
Week 7
  1. Decide when you and your partner want to announce your pregnancy to everyone else. Some couples choose to tell everyone now, some choose to tell only close friends and family. The risk of miscarriage is lower after 12 weeks, so make sure if this were to happen that you would be comfortable telling these individuals that news as well. 
  2. You are probably having your first appointment this week or next. If you haven’t already, download my Appointment Sheet for free so you have all of your questions and notes in one place. Develop a list of questions that you are unsure of in regards to your pregnancy. There are no silly questions! For me, this was really clarifying what I can continue doing for Taekwondo. You’ll also want to bring your prenatal vitamins so your doctor can verify that they are a good option for you. Also, write down any other vitamins or herbs you may be taking. Everything from protein powder to that turmeric vitamin. Your doctor will confirm which ones are safe for your pregnancy. 
  3. Switch to eco-friendly cleaners and wear cleaning gloves. If you can, try to have your partner begin to do the major upkeep of the bathrooms. These tend to have the strongest cleaners and the most hassle (trying to scrub that tub, ugh.)
Week 8
  1. If this is your second pregnancy, you may begin to start showing a baby bump sooner than first-time moms. Start looking at belly bands to extend the use of your jeans. Don’t neglect those lady lumps! Your breasts have probably started to grow as well. If so, don’t buy just any bra. Opt-in for a nursing bra. They are comfortable for your changing body and you will be able to use them after you deliver for breastfeeding. If you do not end up breastfeeding, they are still extremely comfortable and perfect for lounging around the house while feeding your little one. 
  2. If you selected your doctor, then you can now finalize where you would like to deliver. Your doctor may be able to deliver at multiple hospitals, in which case, you will want to try to tour and pick exactly which hospital. 
  3. Double-check your beauty products and health cabinet. There may be some ingredients that are harmful to your baby. 

Month 3

Week 9
  1. If you haven’t announced your pregnancy to everyone yet, now is the time to start looking into pregnancy announcement photos. Many photographers offer a discount for maternity and newborn photos, you may be able to haggle a little more of a discount to include a mini pregnancy announcement shoot in that bundle (if it’s not already offered). You should get a good ultrasound picture at your 12-week appointment, so this gives you time to find and schedule a photographer before your sonogram appointment. 
  2. Dental care is extremely important during pregnancy! If you don’t have a cleaning already scheduled, make sure you call your dentist to get one scheduled soon. 
  3. Determine if you want to know the gender or how you want to find out. Many women can find out the gender through Non-Invasive Prenatal Tests, which come from bloodwork as early in the pregnancy as 12 weeks. If you don’t want to know, you may need to let your provider, lab, or others know so the surprise is not ruined. 
Pregnancy Announcement courtesy of Colorado Lifestyle Photography
Week 10
  1. Start a budget. You will need to develop a savings (if you don’t already have one) for doctor visits, testings, labor and delivery, photos, and everything after. Starting now is your best bet at getting a head start of finances. Even a goal of paying down debt can help with out of pocket costs in the future. 
  2. Make a “baby-do” list of all the things you are wanting to get accomplished before baby arrives. Maybe it’s putting in new flooring, adding a built-in, or simply organization and changing things up a bit. Your pregnancy brain is going to kick and you will most likely forget what you wanted to do before the baby arrives. 
Week 11
  1. Get some pregnancy “must haves”. You may deem these silly if this is your first pregnancy. But ask mommas who are on their second+ child, or even me who has a 7 year gap between children! I wish I had had these with my first. Some examples are:
    • Pregnancy pillow – I really use mine for our couch, but many women prefer it in bed. Or you may take it with you everywhere in the house. Either way, the support is amazing. 
    • Exercise ball – this was extremely helpful for me at night before bed. It helped stretch and loosen up my back, hips, glutes, and legs before bed. Making me feel more comfortable and relaxed. Some women use them during contractions and labor/delivery. Of course, you can even use this for some pregnancy safe exercises. 
    • Stretch mark oil/cream – It is never to early to begin helping stretching parts of your body retain moisture. You will get stretch marks you didn’t even know you could get stretch marks. This will help either completely avoid, or at least ease the stretch marks you do get. This four pack is sure to do the trick! 
    • Belly band/maternity jeans – Depending on how much you are going out, you will want at least 1 pair. Even if you are pregnant in the summer during your biggest months, 1 pair of maternity jeans is good on those cool days/nights or just for hanging out around the house. I love the Motherhood Maternity jeans I got and I got them during a sale! 
  2. Plan regular date nights! It’s easy to focus on the baby and everything there is to do before their arrival. However, you can NEVER lose focus from your partner. Recreate your first date, do activities you have been wanting to do, try something new! Keep that spark alive.  I realize not every momma has a partner, and for that I truly am sorry. Make time to still connect with those who are important in your life. Whether it’s family or close friends; carve out special time to connect with them before your little one is due.

COVID-19 Edit *During the pandemic, it can seem like you don’t need a date night because you are spending so much time together already. But quality time is much different than just seeing each other or talking about the budget. We love our Happily Co subscription because they give us date boxes full of activities and treats that we can do ALL at home. It makes date night at home so much more special and creative. If you want to try, click this link to explore their past boxes and get $10 off your first box. The box is even cheaper than a date night out on the town and way more fun than the same ol’ dinner and a movie. We have made homemade ice cream, completed an at home “escape room”, played word challenge games, made coconut macaroons, played a youtube scavenger hunt, made candles, asked thought provoking questions, listened to custom playlists that come with our date boxes, and more! 

Week 12
  1. Begin moisturizing your skin daily to avoid the itches that come with dryer-than-normal and stretching skin. I love this four pack from Palmer’s because it is made with cocoa butter and comes with a tummy butter that is extra thick for those problem areas (boobs, butt, and belly). There is also a lovely oil that doesn’t rub off on my clothes, and moisturizing tube that fits in my purse. 
  2. Plan a babymoon if possible. Have you been wanting to get away to the caribbean or explore Europe? Maybe you have just wanted to get away from the state you currently live in. Plan a babymoon for you and your boo. Go somewhere new and different that you have been wanting to go. This may be the last time for a while until baby gets older. 

COVID-19 Edit *This may not be possible during the COVID-19 pandemic. But plan something special to take in the last moments before welcoming baby into the world!*

  1. Stop laying on your back so much. 5 minutes or less shouldn’t bother you now, but as your baby grows, they will begin pushing on major arteries and veins that can restrict important blood flow to you. Honestly, it’s extremely uncomfortable anyways and it’s really hard to get up properly. So it’s better to just avoid it. 
  2. The last one really segways into this to-do item; sleeping on your left side. Left side is specifically the better option, and if you are not used to sleeping on your side, this could take some time to get used to. It’s better to practice and adapt now. The left side is better for digestion and overall comfort. The right side is not “bad” but does still lead to the potential of blood flow issues. 
Week 13
  1. Plan or tell your boss and coworkers. You may need to plan to time informing them just right. Or you may need to tell them immediately if you work in a more hazardous or stressful environment. Standing for long periods, sitting for long periods, fumes, heavy lifting, and more are all reasons where you may need to tell your employer sooner rather than later. 
  2. Begin paying attention to your posture. If you haven’t already focus on your hips and lower back when you are standing or sitting. Pregnant women tend to stick their belly out more as it gets bigger to adjust your center of gravity, straining your back muscles. Focus on keeping your back as straight as possible. You also want to focus on bringing your shoulders “up, back, and down” to prevent slouching. 

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