House of Housley

The Ultimate Third Trimester Checklist

Congratulations! You are in the FINAL trimester momma! This can be one of the hardest trimesters because we are so eager to have that baby arrive! All this work is coming to an end and you just want the reward of baby snuggles. But believe it or not, there are still to-do items to add to your pregnancy checklist!

There are a variety of affiliate links in this post. Some are simple referral links that people like you have access to in order to share with your friends. Some are for being an Amazon Associate or other paid affiliate programs. And as an Associate I earn from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. However, I ONLY recommend products that I have used myself or that is as similar as possible to help make life easier for you.

If you are a little late to the game, I highly suggest checking out my Ultimate First trimester Checklist and Ultimate Second Trimester Checklist to see if there is anything you haven’t been doing already.

Month 7

Week 28
  1. Decide on if you want to create a 529 College saving fund, or just a separate savings fund for your baby. Both have their benefits and you’ll want to decide what you are most comfortable with. What if your child goes to a school that doesn’t accept 529 or starts their own business? Pulling those funds out for a different use can have huge tax implications.

Savings accounts will build over time guaranteed, but you will have to pay taxes on interest gained over the years. However, there aren’t really penalties for withdrawing later and the funds can be used for anything (down payment gift for their first house for example). Think about all the options, and maybe speak with your tax consultant or financial planner. 

Week 29
  1. Pre-register at your hospital if you are able. Print a copy (if completed electronically) and keep in your pregnancy binder for convenient access, as well as verification of your plan. 
  2. Begin thinking about a living will. I know it’s super depressing to think about. However, you want to make sure your baby is taken care of how you want in the event something should happen. This can mean who becomes the primary caregiver if one of the parents or both parents pass, how any assets are distributed, etc.
pregnant woman packing luggage bag for the hospital for delivery of her baby
Week 30
  1. Create and or finalize your birth plan. A good birth plan can help keep everyone on track through the chaos of delivering a baby. It also helps prepare you for most situations that may typically catch you off guard. 
  2. Begin putting the final touches on your nursery! Make sure you have items that will be readily available when the baby is born. For example, you may not have to stress out about that crib if you are planning to use a sidecar/bassinet next to your bed. 
Week 31
  1. Pack your hospital bag. You never know when you will go into labor. While we hope it is closer to 40 weeks, preparing for an earlier delivery can give you peace of mind and comfort in a stressful situation. 
  2. If you haven’t already, sign up and take your child birth class. Taking your class now can be more beneficial because the information is more likely to stay fresh in your time. You can also get beneficial practice for different techniques to be ready for delivery. 

Month 8

Week 32
  1. Monitor your swelling. Mild to moderate hand and foot swelling is normal (especially if you are eating salty foods, not exercising, and sitting on your bottom all day). But severe swelling can be a sign of Preeclampsia. Other symptoms you may notice at home include high blood pressure, severe headaches, sudden weight gain, and shortness of breath. If you notice any of these, call your doctor IMMEDIATELY. 
  2. Start planning your hospital trip for the big moment! Do you know where to park? What’s the fastest route to the hospital? Does that route change depending on high traffic times of day? Once you know, you will make the process of heading to the hospital that much smoother.
Week 33
  1. Continue taking preventative measures against varicose veins and swelling. Stretching, drinking water, wearing compression socks, and elevating your legs throughout the day are all ways that you can lower your chances of varicose veins. 
  2. Pre-register at the hospital. This changes depending on location, but typically you can do all the nitty-gritty paperwork in advance. Make sure you have your insurance card and driver’s license for them to take copies. 
Female pediatrician listening to babies lungs
Week 34
  1. Finalize your pediatrician. Many hospitals will call your pediatrician to come to the hospital once the baby is born. Some hospitals are required to use their pediatrician and will forward information once you are discharged so they have the information for baby’s first doctor’s appointment.
  2. If you are expecting twins, be prepared! Most women who deliver multiples end up delivering early.
Week 35
  1. Get your car seat installed and properly checked out. Many police stations and fire stations have members who are car seat certified. Your hospital may also offer a car seat inspection service. Make sure once everything is secure to take the actual carseat out and leave only the base in the car until delivery day. In the unfortunate event of a moderate/severe accident, the carseat will need to be replaced to ensure high safety measures are continued for the baby. 
  2. Breastfeeding is not as natural as it sounds. If you are really worried, having some upfront knowledge can make you better prepared (just like your childbirth class). See if your hospital offers a course, or take a variety of different courses offered online. 

Month 9

Week 36
  1. Keep track of babies movements. Frequent activity is a bonus, but it should be easier to detect movements and kicks because of the lack of space in the uterus. 10 kicks every 1-2 hours is considered normal. If you haven’t felt anything, try drinking a glass of cold ice water or gently pressing on one side of your belly. If you ever have worries, your doctor will have you come in to detect babies heart rate for abnormalities and possibly an emergency ultrasound. 
  2. Double check with your insurance company or employer about adding your baby to your plan once the baby is born. 
  3. Send out thank you notes from your baby shower.
Week 37
  1. If you haven’t already, determine who will be taking care of your pets or older siblings while you are at the hospital. Make sure if you have siblings to let their schools know about who will be picking up your child. Photos and full names are beneficial in keeping your child safe. 

Also giving your child a picture of the people who will be picking them up and a picture of their vehicle can be extremely helpful at pick up time (if they are involved in the driveline). 

  1. Finalize your workplace. Make sure last minute tasks are taken care of at work. You want to make sure you can leave at a moment’s notice! Also verify the procedure for letting them know you are taking FMLA leave if applicable. If you plan on pumping when you return to work, finalize the location and rules about your scheduled breaks. Don’t forget, it’s a federal law to provide reasonable breaks in a private location that is not a bathroom. If you need support or more information, check out the Department of Labor website.
  2. Get your postpartum station ready. Items like padsicles, with hazel wipes, pads, disposable underwear/diapers, dermaplast, and other items are completely necessary to a successful recovery. If you’re recovering from a C-section, lochia (postpartum bleeding) will still happen and you will want some disposable underwear or heavy flow menstrual pads. Heat packs, bandages, and a break station (complete with drinks and snacks and anything else that can be easily in reach) will help your recovery. Taking it easy on your incision is most important.
Pregnant asian woman starting washing machine
Week 38
  1. Wash a few loads of baby cloths, blankets, sheet, burp cloths, and other baby items so that some are readily available once the baby is born. The last thing you want to do for a while is laundry. 
  2. Buy any last minute items you didn’t receive from your baby shower. Multiple brands of pacifiers and bottles are more important than you think! We have tried 8 brands of pacifiers and our youngest won’t take any of them. Our oldest son loved MAMS when he was a baby. 
  3. Prep some freezer meals that can be easily heated up. Standing and cooking is another think you won’t quite have time or energy for once baby is born. Better yet, if anyone has offered to help after the baby arrives, coordinate people to bring meals or assist in cleaning your home. 
Week 39
  1. Take lots of naps. It’s the last good sleep you might get! 
  2. Make an “eagle landing” list so you can announce when “the eagle has landed” (aka baby has arrived). Assign this list to someone so you only have to inform one person and your informant lets everyone on your list know. 
  3. Loosen up those hips and stretch! Some prenatal yoga and walking are great exercises even in your last days of labor. Walking in a shallow pool is great pressure relief, but make sure your water has broken or you could bring unwanted contaminants to your uterus. 
Week 40
  1. There is no better time than now to just relax. If baby hasn’t come yet, there is no reason to stress. Many first time moms end up delivering later than other moms. Your doctor may begin a conversation about induction. Babies who are more than two weeks late begin to increase chances of problems, including still birth.
  2. Gather multiple resources for yourself for after your baby is born. Breastfeeding, spit up, nursing, formula, aftercare, are all essential
pinterest sharing image for ultimate third trimester checklist with caucasian woman lying in bed with man next to her and nurse holding her belly
pinterest sharing image for ultimate third trimester checklist with a newborn baby on mothers stomach after delivery
pinterest sharing image for ultimate third trimester checklist showing caucasian pregnant woman with a nurse holding belly

22 Questions You Should be Asking Your Insurance Company When You’re Pregnant

Insurance is such a pain, isn’t it? There are so many stipulations and loopholes that it almost makes you wonder if it’s even worth it. How do you even begin to know what questions to ask. Not to mention how to estimate what the cost of having a baby even is!

These costs are exactly why you should be reaching out to your insurance company. Maybe you just found out you’re pregnant and are trying to get ahead of the game. Or maybe you just found out that you were supposed to call your insurance company and you are in your second trimester.

If you read my Ultimate First Trimester Checklist, then you know that calling your insurance company is one of the most important things you can do during your first trimester. However it is never too late to call insurance.

african-american pregnant woman on the phone with insurance company smiling in bed holding her belly
Calling your insurance company earlier in
pregnancy and reduce unnecessary stress later

Why you should call your insurance company earlier

Whatever the case may be, you need to call your insurance company as soon as possible once you find out you are pregnant. Some insurance companies require that you enroll in their maternity program before any benefits are paid out.

And some insurance company’s won’t cover your pregnancy at all if you didn’t let them know within a certain period of time. Even if you called your insurance company early, there may be some questions that you didn’t know you should ask. 

You may even realize that you can benefit extra because of the time period you called. I found out that with our insurance company we can get one free breast pump per year and that there are no stipulations to how early in the pregnancy we could order a breast pump. Not everyone is that lucky. So I ordered one in December and will be ordering another one here in February! It gives me extra pieces and I plan to keep one upstairs and one downstairs. 

Sweet deal, huh?

Medela breast pump example of pump that can be covered by insurance company
I was able to get two breast pumps covered by insurance!

Where should I keep documentation?

Ideally, you want to keep this somewhere that you have easy access to. A filing cabinet in your health folder, a pregnancy binder, or even on your phone. You want this easily accessible in case you need to quickly reference anything in case of an emergency.

The last thing you want is to be delivering earlier than expected and you are burdened with the cost of care from NICU and extra hospital costs because you didn’t get that pre-authorization that may be required (more on this later). 

I personally keep mine in my pregnancy binder, because if anything comes up about insurance in regards to my pregnancy I have a copy of all of my other pregnancy-related information. 

If you print out my Insurance Questionnaire, you’ll see there is a spot at the bottom for the name of the representative you spoke with, the date, and the confirmation or reference number. This is just in case you have follow-up questions or were told incorrect information that you have all your bases covered.  

The above information is also essential for any questions about your insurance, and you should ask for this information every time you speak with a representative. 

 10 Questions to Ask Your Insurance Company

  1. When do you consider me pregnant and when do you start paying out maternity benefits? (My insurance, for example, my first appointment was a standard $30 co-pay to confirm my pregnancy. Once confirmed and sent to insurance, my maternity benefits kicked in and I had zero co-pays for the rest of the appointments). 
  2. Do I have a choice of a midwife, doula, or standard OBGYN?
  3. Does coverage change if I birth from home, a birthing center, or a hospital?
  4. Are voluntary tests or procedures (such as additional ultrasounds) covered?
  5. What are my deductibles and/or copays?
  6. Is a cesarean covered differently than vaginal birth?
  7. When is my baby covered under insurance?
  8. Are any parenting or childbirth/labor classes covered? 
  9. Does insurance supply or cover the cost of a breast pump? 
  10. Are circumcisions covered? 

22 Questions to Ask Your Insurance Company

Looking for the full list of 22 questions you should ask your insurance company? Click here to download the printable list for you to keep for your records! Whether you keep it on your phone or store it in your pregnancy binder, make sure you keep your answers somewhere easily accessible. 

Have any of you come across other questions or situations that are not listed in this questionnaire? If so, let us know in the comments below! I would love to update and make this questionnaire as helpful as possible.

3 Alternative Baby Shower Ideas During COVID

It’s needless to say that this pandemic has changed everything. Ever since COVID the world has been turned upside down. For many soon-to-be moms, this means we feel left out in some common pregnancy events. From missing out spouses unable to be in appointment rooms to having an influx of visitors at the hospital on the day of delivery. Even baby showers during COVID were more rare towards the beginning of the pandemic.

There are a variety of affiliate links in this post. As an affiliate, I earn from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. However, I ONLY recommend products that I have used myself or that is as similar as possible to help make life easier for you.

The good news is that with the power of technology and creativity, we are more capable than ever to feel connected to those that we love. Now if you read my Ultimate Second Trimester Checklist post, then you may already have asked someone to help you with your baby shower. If you haven’t, I highly suggest you check it out for some other key to-do’s you may be forgetting in your pregnancy. Even if you haven’t asked someone for help, these are simple ideas that even an expecting mother can handle. FYI, I planned my entire baby shower during COVID and I cannot wait to post about it!

Here are 3 unique ways to make sure you still get the optimal baby shower experience! 

1) Virtual baby shower

This is what our family is personally doing. We have family from California to Florida and in between (and we live right in the middle in Colorado). So traveling for a baby shower during COVID (or even normally) just simply isn’t possible. With the help of this amazing website called Webbabyshower.com, we have a complete and private baby shower website for us and our guests. This means no unwanted strangers seeing your video conference and private information. 

With a custom URL tag, personalized web theme, online baby shower games, a guest book for visitors, and a private video conference link sent out via email to all your guests; you will feel just as connected to everyone than ever.

screenshot of webbabyshower.com homepage of a person's virtual baby shower during COVID.

Here’s a couple of ideas to take your virtual shower experience to the next level:

  1. Send out pre-shower gift boxes to build the excitement! We put in homemade cake pops, custom pink and Blue M&M’s, and a shooter of alcohol with a tag that says “Baby Making Juice”.
  2. If you want an even more interactive virtual call, send baby bottles for people to play this classic baby shower game. Guests will chug a beverage out of a baby bottle, and the first person to finish the bottle wins! This is easy to do as long as everyone has the materials. Send a bottle in your pre-shower gift box. Make sure in the baby bottle there are typed instructions. You’ll need to mention the liquid of choice that they will be drinking (usually something harder like Coke-a-Cola), how much to fill the bottle with, and to make sure it’s ready before the shower start time! 
  3. On the day of the virtual shower, make it a little more fun. Create a draped background for your video and save all the presents for opening live on the day of! That way everyone can see your reaction and you can give a much more personable “thank you”. Don’t forget to still send a thank you card after.

2) Drive-by baby shower

This simple concept has been growing in COVID popularity. It’s also great if you have lots of friends and family who live nearby. Invited guests will “drive-by” your baby shower location in a car parade-like fashion. Guest will get to wave and say hello from their vehicles, possibly honking or playing music.

You can ask guests to be creative and decorate their vehicles with car paint and signs. Have them blare your favorite style (after you talk to your neighbors of course). You can also create a fun sign for your front yard with some small decorations. And of course, guest can slowly get out and drop off gifts at the foot of your sidewalk/driveway if possible.

This is a much quicker option, but definitely can be one of the more exciting options when done right!

3) Appointment Style Baby Shower

I prefer this method over the drive-by shower. This concept is also nice if you have lots of family and friends who live close to where you live. Since there could be some in person contact, remember to wear masks and remember risk. This option has guests visit during a designated time slot to come by, drop off their gift, and spend a few one-on-one moments with the expecting mother.

This is probably the most similar to the original baby shower experience. Here are a few things you can do to make your shower even more special:

  1. Use Signupgenius.com to have guests reserve a time slot for their visit. They sign up for a time that you have specified (30-minute time slots for example). If you leave it up to chance with an “open house” style, more people can arrive at the same time. This causes a riskier shower experience for everyone. The service is free and will automatically close off slot times when they are full. 
  2. Create goody bags full of snacks and treats that your guests can take with them after they leave! This eliminates potential germ spread from a buffet-style table. 
  3. Decorate your front yard (or living room) to create a more energetic environment. It is a party after all! A few balloon bouquets, paper flowers, or large printed words make a big difference.

So there you have it! You can certainly add and change details to these methods and create a one of a kind baby shower experience. Don’t let the pandemic get you down! What other things have you done to create a more personable baby shower during COVID and the pandemic?

The Ultimate Second Trimester Checklist

Congratulations! You are in the second trimester momma! This is when many ladies feel their best and get so much accomplished. That dreaded nausea is lowering or completely gone, the constipation and cramps are hopefully dying down, and your exhaustion is lightening every day that passes by. But there are still to-do items to add to your pregnancy checklist.

There are a variety of affiliate links in this post. Some are simple referral links that people like you have access to if they are a member of a service. Some are for being an Amazon Associate. And as an Associate I earn from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. However, I ONLY recommend products that I have used myself or that is as similar as possible to help make life easier for you.

If you haven’t already, go check out my post “The Ultimate First Trimester Checklist” to make sure there aren’t any lingering to-do’s that you haven’t completed. It’s never too late to get some of those tasks checked off!

Month 4

Week 14
  1. Start thinking about baby names! If you haven’t found out the gender just yet, this could be a good time to decide on a name for each gender. This will help alleviate any potential gender disappointment from expectations. You can read more about this topic in my post “How to Handle Gender Disappointment”. This helps you be better prepared for the unexpected.If you do know the gender (thanks to noninvasive prenatal testing), this can help when you are planning for your registry or nursery, in case you would like to request any customized items for baby or gender specific items.
  1. Start looking at used maternity clothing options. Maybe you have some friends that still have their maternity clothes, or maybe there are some thrift stores near you that you can browse. Maternity clothes can add up quickly; which is unfortunate given the short term use of the items. If you can’t find any used, try to look for some sales or sign up for notifications for sales through some common brands like Motherhood Maternity. 
  2. Announce your pregnancy! By now, those cute photos you scheduled should almost be ready from your photographer. Come up with something fun like announcement cards with a link to your online registry. Or just post all over your social media accounts. Whatever you (and your partner) decide. 
A few of our pregnancy announcement favs!
Courtesy of Colorado Lifestyle Photography
Week 15
  1. Eat smaller and more frequent meals to curb heartburn. This can also help keep your blood sugar more stable for when lightheadedness begins (if you are the lucky bearer of this common symptom). It will also help make sure you are getting enough food for your baby.
  2. Start marking and creating a plan for your job tasks to be completed when you leave work. Whether you are completely quitting or just taking a maternity leave, someone will need to tend to your tasks when you are gone. It can be especially helpful to create a guide or provide tips to some of the more tedious items of your job if it is going to someone unfamiliar. This will also give you some extra brownie points at work when you come back, or it will make sure you have a good reference if you are leaving permanently.
Week 16
  1. Start figuring out your nursery space. Do you have enough room for all of the furniture you want? If you are co-sleeping, can you fit your crib in your master bedroom like a sidecar, or will you need a separate piece of furniture. We don’t have the space to use a crib in our master bedroom this time, so we opted for a sidecar like this! Beautifully handmade and designed to last. Researching the safety and practicality of items like these can take time (and plenty of measuring). Make sure you give yourself plenty of time for what you really want the nursery to look like. 
  1. Ask friends and relatives (especially) about their birthing experiences. Every labor experience is different, and knowing many stories and scenarios can help you prepare for yours. You will experience a labor experience most similar to your family.
  2. Find a good system for your daily reminders. Keep a notepad by your bed for those final to-do’s before bed. Create reminders in your phone. Post sticky notes to your bathroom mirror. Whatever helps you to prepare to combat that dreaded pregnancy brain!
Week 17
  1. If you haven’t already, open a savings account strictly for baby expenses. We don’t mean a college fund. Think of it as an emergency baby expense account. Unexpected costs like unpurchased (or forgotten) registry items, unplanned medical complications, or even monthly living expenses can blind side you after delivery. Try being prepared by creating a separate account to draw from for all things baby related without dipping into your emergency fund.
  2. Keep taking care of your body! Around this time, you may have needed to look at alternative exercises as your belly gets bigger. Finding substitutes for crunches for example. Make sure you are comfortable. Do not compare yourself to other pregnant women who may be more fit than you. Every pregnancy is different and everyone started at a different fitness level in their pregnancy. 
pregnant woman exercising by doing a bridge glute lift.

Month 5

Week 18
  1. Nasal congestion bothering you? Pick up a cool mist humidifier for your room. This will help alleviate stuffy noses that commonly occur during pregnancy. We have this one, but will admit it worked much better in our son’s smaller 200 sq ft room. We don’t have to refill it often and it even has a little night lite built in. It does not work as well in our larger room. We have to have it on high for a few days running constantly in order for it to get to the right percentage. Then we can turn it down. If we forget to run it for even a day… we lose serious humidity that we worked so hard to gain. We also live in Colorado, so it doesn’t take a lot of work to lose humidity.
  2. Decide on whether you are going to breastfeed or formula feed, and then prepare a back up plan. Many women can’t breastfeed as long as they would have liked, or it’s not as convenient to pump as they would have hoped. Life happens and plans change. Making sure to be prepared can help emotions and execution in the future. 
Week 19
  1. Check in to the variety of childbirth and parenting classes at your disposal. Since COVID-19, many places made online classes available. Or you may prefer to attend in person to get that better instructor attention. Research what is available, and see what works best for you and your partner. There are even daddy boot camp classes out there!
  2. Speaking of classes, look at CPR classes for you and your baby. You would be surprised how different performance of CPR is and it never hurts to be ultra prepared. 
Week 20
  1. Sign up for your registry! By now you should know the gender and can add all the little details over the coming weeks for adorable nursery themes and cute outfits for your little one. Don’t forget to sign up for the larger items like car seats and furniture as well! You never know who is willing to help with those large ticket items.
  2. This is the perfect time to enlist help for your baby shower. Will you be doing a small get together at you (or your friends’) home? Will you book a party room at a restaurant? Do you have people all over the country you would like to attend and decide to do a virtual baby shower? Now is the time to think about these details so you can ask your host/party planner to complete the final details. 
Week 21
  1. Start preparing your nursery space. Clean out the room to a complete care space if you can. This will help you have a place to store and begin organizing the babies room for their arrival. By doing this now, you are less rushed and can plan for last minute items or ideas you didn’t think of, such as a closet organization system. 
  2. “Wooooooah, we’re halfway there…” Celebrate this milestone! Maybe a special dessert or dinner. A pedicure for those sore legs and feet. Make it special and celebrate what is soon to come.
  3. You may have increased in breast size (again). If so, buy another maternity/nursing bra to accommodate your growing bust. 
Week 22
  1. Start keeping track of out-of-the-ordinary bodily symptoms. Things like swollen hands and feet are signs of potential severe conditions like Preeclampsia. Your doctor will want to know about these at your next appointment. Keep track in a journal, planner, or through this free appointment tracking sheet download. It’s never too late to begin tracking your questionable symptoms, questions for your next appointment, and appointment overviews and vitals.
Sea foam green nursery design with white furniture.

Month 6

Week 23
  1. Plan a date night. If you read the first trimester checklist, then you know how important this is! If you didn’t, don’t worry. I have included it again because it is sooooo important. It’s easy to change plans and not see your partner as a commitment when it comes to fun activities. But date night is just as important as signing up for a childbirth class.

COVID-19 Edit *During the pandemic, it can seem like you don’t need a date because you are spending so much time together already. But quality time is much different than just seeing each other or talking about the budget. We love our Happily Co subscription because they give us date boxes full of activities and treats that we can do ALL at home. It makes date night at home so much more special and creative. If you want to try, click this link to explore and get $10 off your first box. The box is even cheaper than a date night out on the town and way more fun than the same ol dinner and a movie. We have made homemade ice cream, completed an at home “escape room”, played word challenge games, made coconut macaroons, played a youtube scavenger hunt, made candles, asked thought provoking questions, listened to custom playlists that come with our date boxes, and more! 

  1. If you are able, try to test drive or see in person strollers, car seats, pack and play’s, swings, and other larger items for your registry. You may not like how they operate in person and have some quirks you don’t like. 
stock image of strollers in a consignment store
Week 24
  1. Start shopping around for pediatricians. Let them know your due date, your insurance, and ask any questions about recommendations or policies they may have (like do they aggressively push the flu shot). 
  2. Begin looking into legal services for a will. While extremely grim to think about (I know) you never know what is going to happen. Even after you have passed, you can remain in control by having a will that determines your assets, what happens to your child(ren), and other important factors. 
Week 25
  1. If you do not have enough assets to cover your circumstances after death, you need life insurance until you can provide for yourself. Sign up for a term policy to cover you inexpensively until you can cover yourself with your own finances. 
  2. Start researching breast pumps if you plan to breastfeed. If you have talked to your insurance provider, then you should know the requirements for your pump to be covered or discounted. If you haven’t talked to your insurance company, download this Insurance Questionnaire to ask the right questions about your pregnancy, including coverages about your breast pump.  
Week 26
  1. Update your 401K beneficiaries.
  2. Try to finish up major furniture builds and room renovations (closet remodeling, built in book shelves, building dressers, etc.). This way you are able to begin storing and setting up the nursery with smaller items when they start arriving. 
Week 27
  1. Start thinking about your birth plan. By now, you should know what kind of facility you are delivering in. You should also know about what options the facility has for your labor process, or what can be brought to your home if you are scheduling an at home delivery. Many facilities have templates for a birth plan that list all of the available options. You will also want to think about pain relieving methods like an epidural or nitrous oxide (aka laughing gas). This birthing plan will typically be included in your hospital registration. 
  2. See if you can begin discovering your babies kick patterns. This will make it easier to know when to count regularly and determine any days that are out of the ordinary. Mark them in your pregnancy journal or appointment tracking sheet so you can talk to your provider at your following appointments.

So there you have it! 30 more things to add to your to-do list. Don’t worry, they will get knocked out before you know it! Do you have any other tips for things that should be done during the second trimester?

How to Handle Gender Disappointment

Why We Had High Hopes

So here I am, 20 weeks pregnant. I’m reminiscing about my first pregnancy. I was young. They didn’t have the tests 7 years ago that they have today to find out the gender sooner.I never experienced gender disappointment because I had no expectations. Still, I did have hopes that it was a boy. Low and behold, my 100% denial worked! We had a boy. 

Fast forward 7-ish years later. I am pregnant with high hopes of having a boy. If I did, I could use some clothes again, I already know what it’s like, my son would more likely connect with a boy despite the large age difference. I just couldn’t imagine parenting a girl. I feel like I was supposed to raise boys. 

We didn’t know the gender yet despite having the non-invasive prenatal testing done around 12 weeks because I had the one doctor who doesn’t reveal the gender with that testing unless you are over the age of 35. So while all my friends are finding out at 12 weeks, I have 8 more weeks till I found out! We had 8 weeks longer to hope for a gender. 8 week longer to think of a nursery theme and a name. And 8 weeks longer to hope for a specific gender.

The Truth About Gender Disappointment

And then we found out…we were having a girl. My heart was broken. I legitimately cried for 3 hours after. I will explain why I was crying in the next section. But for now, before people get judgy, let’s admit a few things: 

  1. Most families have an expectation of what gender they want. 

This is completely normal behavior and doesn’t make anyone a bad person. How many dads can you think of that hoped for a boy, just to end up having a girl? Men actual experience greater gender disappointment (in my opinion), and they are not excluded from benefiting from this post. I encourage each partner to read and/or go through this healing process together.

  1. I completely understand that there are families who would be over the moon with either.

Some pregnancy journey’s are so long and difficult that by the time that couple finally becomes pregnant, they literally are so relieved to have a successful pregnancy that gender doesn’t matter. 

I am very thankful and blessed that I did not have any trouble conceiving the first time (hello surprise 21 year old pregnancy) and tried for 5 months with our second. This means I wasn’t used to any other disappointments in my pregnancies. I’ll explain why this matter below.  

  1. It is 100% normal to be disappointed about the gender of your baby not being what you hoped. 

There is nothing psychologically wrong with you. You are not a bad person. You are not going to be a bad parent just because you wanted a particular gender. And you will love this baby despite the gender. 

Why I was Initially Upset

Yes you read right. I cried for about 3 hours after I found out. Yes I was initially upset. But then I got more upset about my disappointment. I thought I was a terrible person for being upset about the gender reveal. All I could think was that there are probably thousands of families who had been trying for years and gone through hell on earth to even get pregnant. And here I am; crying because the gender wasn’t what I had hoped.

My hormones overtook my whole body as my grandmother badgered me about being disappointed. This made me more upset and feeling terrible about my feelings. Then my son was sad because I was sad, so he thought he was supposed to be upset about the gender (those feelings have changed now). And then my poor husband looking at me like he can’t do anything to make me feel better made me feel even worse. 

woman hiding face behind her hands
I literally just wanted to hide from everyone. I was so embarrassed by how I felt.

How I Supported Myself

So here are the actual steps I took to handle my gender disappointment. 

  1. I admitted all of the truths about gender disappointment stated in the previous section.

Like I mentioned before. Those feelings are all true and normal. You are not mentally unbalanced, selfish, or wrong for thinking anything mentioned in “The Truth About Gender Disappointment” section. 

Some women are lucky enough to have not had many struggles in their health or pregnancy journey. But that doesn’t mean that their feelings aren’t validated. They simply haven’t gone through the same struggles; and that’s ok! Do not undermine or put other women down for how they feel about this. It is only going to make the situation worse to hide how you really feel about the situation. 

Because I was honest and really processed this, I was able to come to terms within a couple of days. It may take you longer; but being honest with yourself is the first step.

  1. I thought about the real reasons I was hoping for a boy. 

Was it really the clothes? My son is 7. There is no way the baby could wear any clothes for years. We haven’t kept any except for 4-5T and up. Was it the sibling connection? My sister and I do not talk and we were the same gender and 2 years apart. Same gender and close age does not mean a close relationship. 

Was it because my first was a boy? Would I feel different if my first had been a girl? My next door neighbor is pregnant at the same time as I am (literally due the day before me). She is having a girl. Knowing she was having a girl made me feel better (and worse). She is very stylish and already has about 10 headbands with bows. She is a previous fitness instructor. Needless to say intimidating. However, I know if I need anything that I could ask her.

Was it the gender stereotype of girls nowadays? I don’t do (and never did as a child) the whole girly-girl, dolls, dress up with bows, Barbies, My Little Pony, etc. While I love femininity and yes, my favorite color is blush pink. But I also have always loved video games since our first N64 in elementary school. Playing first person shooters, collecting Pokemon cards, and later learning to hunt with a compound bow. I drink whisky (when I’m not pregnant) and truly hate wine. I work in the construction industry when I am not blogging. 

  1. Clear the idea of gender stereotypes

The above thought process led me to this realization. I never gave my son cars and boy stuff. I gave him learning and building toys growing up. Why can’t I do the same for this little girl? Who said I have to put a million coordinating headbands on her head? Where is the rule that you have to french braid hair and make her fancy everyday in order to a girl mom (I don’t even know how to french braid)?

Why did I assume all of these gender expectations when I am a huge woman’s rights activist? Everything I thought against I subconsciously still assumed in my head when I found out the gender. 

My son loves art. And until a couple of months ago, his favorite colors were pink and blue. He is very emotional. Very clingy and cuddly. He loves his stuffies and even learned to sew a pillow that we made together. He loves crafts like latch hook and doing melty beads. He loves LEGO and building with his hands. He wants to be a mechanical engineer and loves coding. Why on earth did I think that this baby girl couldn’t grow up similar? 

I can’t say it enough. Get rid of gender stereotypes. 

white, navy blue, and blush pink paper flowers with gold leaf trim from etsy.
This was our nursery inspiration. You can find it here!
  1. Start thinking of names and a nursery theme.

If you read my other post, The Ultimate Trimester Checklist, then you already thought of this. However; you may also be like me and chose a name and theme for only the gender you want (this is why I mention in my checklist to think about both genders).

Again, if you only thought about the gender you wanted, now is the time to research some names and themes. I recommend doing this after you have had the initial time to process and soothe your nerves. This will help your emotion climb back upward in a positive direction.

Obviously, I need a new theme and new name. For some reason, the vintage navy blue airplane theme just didn’t seem right to me anymore. I wanted to save that for if we did have another baby (that was a boy).

We are still deciding on names (almost final on Lilly Xandra May Housley); but the more I saw different names, the more my nerves calmed down. I wasn’t dreading having a girl and I was more at peace by finding names I liked. 

We also decided on a nursery color scheme of navy blue (to match the rest of our home) and blush pink. My son was so excited to hear that because he hoped those would be her favorite colors, just like him. I also liked it because it’s a theme that should be able to last over the years. It’s not a character, animal, or something else that could be a momentary trend. You can see our inspiration in the photo above.

  1. Think about the day you deliver your baby.

I remember everything from the day of delivery with my first. EVERYTHING. The pain, the lack of sleep, even the terrible hospital food. I can honestly say with 100% certainty that I never thought about the fact that I had a boy (until they came for the circumcision). Back then, I wasn’t focused so much on his gender, but more about how to properly take care of him after his circumcision. 

Your body, full of hormones, emotions, and probably exhaustion will not be thinking about the gender of the baby in your arms. There will be plenty of love inducing hormones soaring through your body to build that special one-of-a-kind motherly bond. You will be trying to breastfeed (or formula feed) your baby to make sure they are taken care of. Everyone will be so tired from the delivery of that baby. Even if you have a C-section, you are going to be feeling the same hormones and love for your baby. 

Be 100% confident that on that day in the hospital, gender is going to be the last thing that matters. 

man looking off while upset.
It is very common for both partners to feel gender disappointment.

We Are All In This Together

So there you have it! I know there are many parents out there who feel the same. I have spoken to many dads who had girls for their first child too. They still tell me they wouldn’t have changed it for the world. Definitely share this with your partner if they are the ones who need support, and be there for them as much as you can. 

What are some other ways that some of you have coped with gender disappointment?

pinterest image for post of how to handle gender disappointment of box spilled out of pink and blue bows and balloons for gender reveal
pinterest image for post of how to handle gender disappointment of man and woman in bed looking upset.
pinterest image for post of how to handle gender disappointment with cupcakes for a gender reveal and pink and blue pacifiers

Follow @myhouseofhousley