A couple of nights ago I could not feel more defeated. Work has been terrible this week, I have not had any help from my husband this week (which is not entirely his fault). I haven’t gone to the gym in weeks, the deep cleaning that was just done is back at square one, and everything seems so overwhelming. And that leaves me feeling…defeated. There are no pictures in this post because I could not even think of a visual representation of anything mentioned. But then I got thinking. We all know what defeat looks like in our own lives and it’s different for everyone. As you read this, visualize what that looks like to you. This will help by the end of this post.
My son had a grilled cheese and sliced apples with chocolate almond milk for dinner. Not too bad considering I forgot to take the chicken out to thaw. Somehow that’s only my job. Since my son and I get home at about 6:15 PM from picking him up at the after-school program, I would have to thaw enough chicken for my grandmother, him, and I which would take at least 20 minutes (even in a microwave). Then by the time, I could get it finished it would be time to begin winding down and reading stories for my son. Going to bed on a full stomach like that is not healthy anyway. His dinner was pretty good for last minute. Mine, however, I had chips (at least my favorite kind, the ones seasoned with lime), Picante mild salsa and coffee flavor Haagen-Dazs. Yup…that’s the meal of defeat.
We then watch 2 episodes of TV for him because I just really don’t want to thoroughly read stories. I try to be engaging when we read. I go over sight words from school and that we practice at home. We try to get to the 20 minutes of reading that is now recommended (because kids who read 20 min. are more successful, blah, blah, blah, yeah whatever) But that night…I really just didn’t want to. I know that’s not a valid reason, and it doesn’t happen all the time. But real life mom moment here; I feel defeated. This is a safe space. It’s why I started this blog. A place for all families and parents who may feel tired and defeated sometimes to read and know they are not alone.
We all get defeated. We all want to quit our jobs and just storm out. We want to pull our kids out of extra morning or night care programs and stay at home. Moms want to, dads want to, we all want to. Keeping up with the economy and still being parents is a struggle! I work in an industry where flexibility is not an option. We are a business serving our residents and prospective residents. We HAVE to be there from open to close. No budging. So how is a mom or dad in my position supposed to make things work? How are we supposed to stay at work till 6 and make it to the after school program that closes at 6? How do we do….anything? Mind you I also have weekends off, which ideally sounds nice. However, there are things during the week that need to be done. One being doctors visits and they are never open on the weekends. This is where I really try to count on my husband since he has Mondays off normally.
It’s thoughts like this, on top of everything else in my life (that blog could go on forever and no one would probably be interested, you have your problems right?) that leaves me feeling defeated and lost lately. I have tried to get some positive energy from our small group for church. However, making sure we actually get to church, that I take notes to remember what was actually talked about and discuss with my group, and then actually getting to our small group on Monday nights at 7 PM (which lately has been a “mom handles the whole day” thing) leaves me feeling exhausted before the group even starts. Then to actually try to apply what I have learned…ugh. I know if I could get to the gym I would feel a little better. But again, by the time I can get there at 8 pm (since I can’t go in the morning lately due to my husband’s schedule) I just feel exhausted. Taking pre-workout that late will keep me up too late as well. Then the next day I’m even more tired!
No matter how down I am feeling, I know that my family comes first. And while one day or even one week of feeling defeated is ok, I know after that time I have to push through to support my family and do my best in everything I do because I CANNOT afford to do otherwise. It’s also a matter of personal pride. I want to try to do my best. I want to be irreplaceable. Will my attitude about how I feel about work carry over into my personality? Will my tours or residents see it? I don’t want to give them any reason to think that I am angry, or it could just make things worse. And I want to be the best for my residents because that is why I really do what I do. Not to appease my office.
Remind yourself why you do the work or things you do. Do you put up with your job because you want to be the best parent for your children? Then do your absolute best for them! If they were watching, would you want them to see how upset at work you are? This is a day and age where basically everyone has to work. There isn’t another option (unless you have a millionaire sugar daddy). You NEED to be the best parent you can. Ask yourself questions and journal some answers. What does the best parent in your world (not a dream world) look like? If you had all the resources, what things would you do differently to be the best parent? What are some steps you can actively take to become that parent now with the resources you have? Do you really need those resources to become that parent?
We all have these huge family dynamic challenges that seem to make life so much harder. And while we normal working people acknowledge this, companies do NOT! It will be ok. Just remember your children want you to be the parent for them, not the rest of the world.
How do some of you families manage to keep your sanity with work-life balance?